these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
