Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
