Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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