Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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