Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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