someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
