Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
