you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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