I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
