I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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