Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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