thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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