Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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