im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
