One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm always down for nudity.
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