I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are we still banned from the library?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The ass gains better be worth it
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