apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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