It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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