She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
