At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
