it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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