GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
