Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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