if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
