I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
