she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
