There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
