I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
