I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
