I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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