hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
