tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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