This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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