if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
