i just wanna soil my oats bro
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he thought i was a dude.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
