I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
