i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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