it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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