we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
