You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
