I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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