i think my tv is drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
