i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
