I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
