i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
