your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
