Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
