We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
