I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
