oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
