Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
