3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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