Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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